This is the hardest post i've probably written; it's not my usual light-hearted post, but it's something that I wanted to share, as I think, all parents need to face the reality.
DJ and I were tucking G in to bed last night. Her bedtime routine typically consists of getting her pj's on, brushing her teeth, reading a book, and saying one of three prayers. She always gets a choice of what prayer she wants to say. She chooses from, "prayers from the heart", "The Lord's Prayer", or "Now I Lay Me." However, this choice is pretty daunting for a four year old and she has discovered that this is a fabulous way to stall and last night was no exception. Typically, if she does not make a choice DJ or myself makes a choice for her. This was the case last night. As G did not make her choice, I started saying, "Now I Lay Me", and no sooner than did I get through the first line of the prayer, G put her hand over my mouth and said, "Shut up".
I stopped, dead in my tracks. What had just come out of my four year olds mouth? DJ and I looked at each other, and both of us in shock, laughed. Which, was totally the wrong reaction that any parent should have in that situation. After we regained our composure, we explained to G that we shouldn't have laughed, but that we were shocked a word like that would come out of her mouth. We are very careful about what we say around her, and we censor all of her t.v. shows. We told G that "shut up" is a dirty word, and that it is not a word we want her saying. We asked her where she heard the word, and she explained that she heard it on "The Power Puff Girls" while she was playing at our 7 year olds neighbor's house. Obviously, that is not a show that is approved at our house.
We finished up our conversation, with G, and tucked her in for the night. But, the word, it just stirred in my head and I just couldn't let it go. I decided to take the scenario to one of my mom's group, and bounce some ideas, feelings, and parenting thoughts around with them. For me, it's the best way to think things through and come to a final decision. I need to work through situations.
So, here's what I've concluded from this discussion:
~ Parenting styles are different. It doesn't matter how much we have in common, there is never a 100% mutual agreement, and this case was no different. From some suggesting that I needed to let go of trying to censor what my child is exposed to, those not allowing their child to play at someone's house if they are not present, and those that disagree with consequences. But, through all of the disagreement, I learned this. Respect. I learned that as we discuss, we can still respect each other's various parenting styles, and I just wish I could come across more moms like those that are in this group. I think that all moms would feel less of a failure and more of a mom if we could all just agree to disagree and not judge. One of the moms brought up that we all judge each other's parenting styles, and that we have to do what is best for our own kids and take it hour by hour. Then, at the end of the day, we can look back on our own success and failures. Another mom admitted, that she struggled daily if she and her husband were making the right decisions. That was exactly what I needed to hear. Because, I think we all struggle every hour if we are making the right decisions. There are just so many parenting decisions to make now, and we all feel the pressures.
~ DJ and I decided together that for the time being, G cannot play at our neighbor's house. For one thing, their kids are older, therefore their t.v. rules are obviously different than ours. And, I don't feel that it's my right to ask them to change their rules for my child. The kids are more than welcome to come to our house to play. The t.v. has to remain off, because I know they don't want to watch Mickey Mouse, and the play will have to be supervised. The kids are also going to be allowed to play outside together, but our rule will always stand that a parent has to be present.
~ God has also placed heavily on my heart recently, to "do everything you do to the glory of God". I turned on my pandora the other day, and the first song I heard was about a mom picking up toys off the living room floor for the 15th time today, and the song just continued about how a mom works so hard and feels there is no glory in it. But, that if we have the attitude to do our daily tasks for God, that it changes the entire mood of the person. That is what i'm struggling with right now. I need to do everything for God. I need to put joy into my daily routines.
~ Throughout the last day, I've also had to decide what my end goal in parenting is. And, this is what i'm struggling to accept right now. I want G to grow up and do amazing things for God. I want her to have a relationship with God, and to be a leader and to do something powerful when she grows up. G is an arguer. Right now, we have a sticker chart in place, for every day that she does not argue with us. As much as I've tried to break her of this, in order for her to respect authority (and that's not just me), I've also tried to embrace it, because that feistiness could be a powerful thing when she's a teenager. I'm also struggling with the most effective parenting strategies to use with her. And, it's constantly changing. This month, the sticker chart has worked wonders. I just have to remind her of the chart, and she instantly stops arguing. But, I have to admit, I've tried everything under the sun when it comes to discipline. And, whens he finally earns the LaLaLoopsy doll that she's wanting, a sticker chart will probably not be effective anymore.
So, all this to say, "Wow!" Parenting is hard work. I'm so thankful for my supportive, not so strict husband, and my totally reassuring mom that I'm doing a great job. I just wish all of us moms could be supportive of one another. Can, I just challenge y'all, that the next time you're in the grocery store, and you pass a mom looking totally frazzled because her toddler is climbing out of the buggy, could you just give an encouraging nod? Just let her know that you've been there, and that she's doing a great job- even if you'd drag that same kid out of the store and just leave. We all have different parenting styles, but no matter those differences, let's support each other and agree to disagree.
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